Here's a very funny tail...er, tale!

I was in Shoprite buying a large bag of Epol for my Labrador Retriever and was in line to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Epol Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 kilograms before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Epol chunks and simply eat one
or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned, and was that why I was in the hospital.
I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls when a car hit me.
I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

This joke was sent in by our Website Designer.

One day in heaven, Saint Peter, Saint Paul and Saint John were standing around near the dog kennels, watching the dogs frolic.

"I am certainly bored", stated John. "Me too," Paul chimed in. Peter stood and watched the dogs. "I know!" Peter began. "Why don't we have a dog show?"

Paul and John thought that the idea was great except for one small detail that Paul pointed out - "Who are we to compete against, Peter?" Paul asked. The trio pondered a moment when Peter realized the answer.

"We will call up Satan and invite him to the dog show. I mean, we have all of the finest dogs here in heaven, all of the World and National Champions are here. His kennel is ridden with the spoiled, difficult and mean dogs. We are certain to win at the show!"

And so the trio calls up Satan on the other realm communication lines and invited him to their dog show. Satan laughed and asked why they would want to be humiliated like that, because he would certainly beat them.

Peter, Paul and John did not understand. "What do you mean, Satan?" Peter asked. "We have all of the National and World Champion dogs in our kennel in heaven, how could you possibly beat us?"

Satan paused a moment and then laughed. "Have you forgotten so soon, gentlemen? I have all the judges!"

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like Mother of Pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold.

He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"
This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.
"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.
"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up." The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveller asked.
"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog. After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road which led through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.
"Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you have any water?"
"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in."
"How about my friend here?" the traveller gestured to the dog.
"There should be a bowl by the pump."

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveller filled the bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.
"What do you call this place?" the traveller asked.
"This is Heaven," he answered.
"Well, that's confusing," the traveller said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too."
"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's Hell."
"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"
"No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind."